"I am a sick man… I am a spiteful man."
That's how Dostoevsky opens Notes from Underground, a book that isn't really about sickness, but about awakening.
The unnamed narrator hides below the surface of society, alienated by progress, paralyzed by freedom, haunted by thought. And I've come to realize that, in many ways, I was once him.
This week marks four years since my rebirth.
Not my biological birthday, but the day that matters most to me: June 25, 2021. The day I walked out of prison after serving 17 years. My real birthday. The day I celebrate above all others because it represents the moment I truly began to live.
Seventeen years behind bars—away from the noise, the screens, the relentless pace of progress—puts you underground. But when I emerged, blinking into the bright light of that June morning, I didn't return to the world I left. I returned to a new world entirely.
One where cars drove themselves.
One where AI finished your sentences.
One where people fell in love through apps and lost themselves in screens.
I went in there was flip phones. I came out there was smartphones.
The Underground Isn't Just a Place, It's a Perspective
Dostoevsky's Underground Man is bitter because he sees too much. He sees how society builds systems to automate thinking, to numb uncertainty, to make humans predictable and efficient. He rages against a world that wants to reduce the complexity of human experience to formulas and algorithms.
That hit me hard. Because out here, now, I see a world trying to do the same, just with exponentially better technology.
Automation is accelerating at breakneck speed.
Self-driving cars, AI decision-making, algorithmic reality.
The future isn't waiting. It's already learning from us, predicting us, replacing us.
But here's what I've learned in these four years of freedom:
The soul doesn't adapt by being efficient. It adapts by being present.
And in this journey from underground to overground, I've had to learn not just how to navigate the technology—but how to not lose myself in it.
When I walked out on my rebirth day, I didn't even know how to use an iPhone. The learning curve was vertical. I had to master:
• Basic digital literacy: Sending emails, navigating GPS, using smartphones
• Professional technology: Google Docs, Zoom calls, social media platforms
• Business systems: Building a company from scratch, launching a podcast
• Advanced tools: Using AI for writing and content creation
• Digital leadership: Speaking to virtual audiences, building online communities
I didn't accomplish this because I was naturally "good at tech." I did this because I was crystal clear on who I was becoming.
I wasn't chasing the latest trends, I was building something meaningful. And that clarity became my accelerator through the chaos.
For those of you leading teams, students, or families through these uncertain times, here's what helped me not just survive but thrive in this brave new world:
1. Ground Yourself in Identity, Not Just Information
Information changes daily. Identity grounds you.
I had to completely redefine myself—not as the man I was when I went in, but as the leader I chose to become when I came out. In a world moving at light speed, people don't need more data. They need meaning.
Great leaders help people reconnect with who they are, not just what they're doing.
The Underground Man lost himself in overthinking. I found myself by choosing who to become.
2. Become a Lifelong Beginner
I had to approach the modern world with radical humility.
The key wasn't pretending I knew everything, it was staying genuinely open to learning everything. From AI tools to camera equipment to speaking on digital platforms, I became a beginner again. And that mindset created massive momentum.
Leaders who model learning make learning safe for everyone else.
In a world where expertise becomes obsolete overnight, the ability to learn becomes your most valuable skill.
3. Use Technology as a Mirror, Not a Mask
Social media can hide you, or reveal you.
AI can replace your voice, or sharpen it.
Automation can make life easier, or make it meaningless.
I use technology to reflect what matters most: purpose, story, authentic impact. As leaders, our job is to humanize the digital. We should remind people that the tools we use should amplify our integrity, not replace it.
The Underground Man felt powerless against the machine of society. We have the choice to use the machine to serve our humanity.
4. Practice Stillness in a Hyperactive World
Some things from prison became my superpowers in freedom:
Silence.
Deep reflection.
Intentional stillness.
Those were survival tools then, but they're leadership advantages now.
In a world that never stops talking, leaders who pause, listen, and think deeply will lead with a power others can feel. The Underground Man was paralyzed by too much thinking. I learned to think with purpose.
5. Choose Connection Over Consumption
The digital world is designed for consumption—endless scrolling, constant notifications, algorithmic addiction. But real leadership happens through genuine connection.
I've built my entire post-prison life on authentic relationships: mentoring young men, speaking to corporate leaders, building community. Technology amplifies these connections, it doesn't replace them.
The Underground Man was isolated by his own mind. True leaders create spaces where others can emerge from their own underground.
Final Thought: Dostoevsky, AI, and the Unshakeable Self
The Underground Man felt powerless in a world changing too fast for his soul to keep up. Today, many feel the same existential vertigo.
But I've learned this profound truth: You don't have to be a prisoner to become stuck. You just have to stop adapting, stop asking deeper questions, stop remembering who you are beneath the roles, the screens, the endless upgrades.
The future is accelerating beyond anything we can imagine:
Self-driving cars. AI coaches. Automated leadership.
But here's what will never change:
• Purpose that transcends technology
• Integrity that can't be programmed
• Real human connection that no algorithm can replicate
• The internal battle we each face to lead from within
As I celebrate four years of freedom this week—four years of learning, building, and leading in a world that transformed without me—I'm reminded that adaptation isn't about keeping up with the pace of change.
It's about staying grounded in who you are while embracing who you're becoming.
I didn't just survive 17 years underground. I learned how to emerge, adapt, and lead in a world that had evolved beyond recognition. And now, I help others do the same, whether they're coming out of their own underground or simply trying to stay human in an increasingly automated world.
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Because leadership isn't about keeping up with the future. It's about showing others how to stay human in the middle of it.
Happy rebirth week to me. Here's to year five of building something meaningful in a world that never stops changing.
Read: Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky and my latest book Warrior in the Garden: 7 Rules for Men